YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
