weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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