some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
