mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
