Plan B is the new Plan A
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
