So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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