I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
