I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
