i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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