I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
