...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
