sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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