I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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