similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
