I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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