so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
