Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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