I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
