i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
