Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
