Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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