grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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