life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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