An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
