Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize