i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
two words: eviction party
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
