Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
As shirtless as possible
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
