Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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