think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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