She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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