don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
