wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
