I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
