After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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