Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
