Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
