Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
