thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
