Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
