oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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