??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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