i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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