Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You can't motorboat a personality
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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