First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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