i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
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