Can i not drive my cunt home
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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