he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
