I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Plan B is the new Plan A
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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