i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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