fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
