I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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