u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
