he shaved USA in his pubs
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
did i just pee glitter
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
