someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You need Xanax blowdarts
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
