I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
