There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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