Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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