Your tits are I can't wait for
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
