I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
