I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
