Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
