Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize