i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
