At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
