Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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