Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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