dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
