Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
