things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
