Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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