i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
