Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
