dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
