This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
