One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
