i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
