No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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