dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
